OH MY GOD. Why was that so HARD??? You'd think no one in the history of the world had EVER moved before. This felt like a harder move in some respects than my move from Seattle to Baltimore 7 years ago. At least physically-speaking. Although I guess I had 4 months to work on that one, whereas I only had a coupla weeks, 2 households and ONE CAT to think about this time!
And now: 2 microwaves. 2 toasters. 2 rolling pins. 4 coffee grinders, 3 french presses, 2 automated coffee makers and 1 espresso machine...and a partridge in a pear tree. Enough pots, pans, flatware and plates to feed an army. 2 HD TVs. 3 or 4 computers (assorted Mac and PC). 4 dressers. And on and on and on.
I'm sentimental about some of my stuff, especially my frying pans, as stupid as that sounds. I love to cook, and through trial and error, with my omelet pan, I can make the perfect eggs. I've gotten used to making certain dishes in certain pots or pans. It's not like I couldn't use others, but for chrissake, I'm a TAURUS, we hate change more than most, and considering that, I'm mostly a trooper. The bigs changes, oddly enough, don't seem to phase me as much as the little changes, like dumb sentimental attachments to omelet pans. Also, if we break up, I'll have to go out and buy stuff all over again...carefully-acquired stuff considered over a 20-year span of living alone.
YES - there's the other part: I have not lived with anyone in 20 years. No roommates, no significant others, no family. It's just been ME. And then, me and Vixen, for the last almost year. But the point is, I haven't had to deal with anyone else's crap (both literal and figurative) in my living space in a very long time. Home is where I've always gone to escape annoying people and recharge. The S.O. and I do quite well most of the time - but everyone annoys me occasionally and eventually. And we've never really been joined at the hip like many couples. I want to maintain that as I have since we started dating - I still need to have time for friendships and the theatre - both of which I've carefully crafted and fostered. I've spent long years developing my life, passions and friendships so I wouldn't have to depend on someone else (or LACK thereof) for my personal happiness and satisfaction. And it's worked. I find myself, at 43, witha really incredibly solid sense of who I am and what motivates me. I have my own opinions. I like my solitude.
Yet in all this, I remember though, that the S.O. and I BOTH like our space. INDEED, we brought it up on our first date - neither of us wanted to live with anyone for a loooong time. We have dated now for a little over two years. We've vacationed together, had family holidays together, spent copious amounts of time together. Spent time with each other's friends. Have things we like to do together (FOOD!) and things we enjoy doing separately. Neither of us has ever expected the other to change anything fundamental about themselves. So, we have a pretty good foundation going in terms of moving in together.
But amid the flurry of rental agreements, security deposits, walk-throughs, packing, borrowing assorted vehicles and mobile items from friends, unpacking, consolidating and arranging our stuff, and feeling very, very stressed out about the whole thing, I lose sight that this is kind of a big deal for me, in terms of being the official end to a very LONG era. An era I often thought would never be over. An era pock-marked with periods of depression and self-loathing, but also personal growth and epiphany by the bucketful. An era that was quite good and FULL, really, though I often couldn't see that.
It's interesting to be on the other side of it all, really, and realize that I'm still the same person, fundamentally, and I haven't had to compromise on that, though I did have to wait a REALLY LONG TIME for someone who could put up with it! ...and I have to say that it is really nice to wake up with a morning cuddle, and a purry kitty lying between us. Even this cynical old bitch has her soft points.
Leave a Reply.
Day to day thoughts, rants and mental detritus.